Children don’t automatically know which choices are best for them, so it’s up to us, as parents, to help them make good choices. Kids will also give you pushback when you set clear boundaries and create certain rules, but they need and even want the security that your boundaries bring them. As they get older, they’ll make more decisions independently, but you’ll still guide them in the right direction. Here are ways to help your kids make good choices.
Let Natural Consequences Happen
When you step in and rescue your kids every time they make mistakes, they won’t learn why their choices were wrong. Sometimes, it’s better to let natural consequences happen so they’ll make better decisions the next time. If your child didn’t turn in his homework or study hard enough for his tests, he may receive poor grades. If your child didn’t treat his friends with respect, then he may lose his friendships.
Give Basic Guidelines
Give your kids some basic guidelines about the choices they’re allowed to make. This provides them with a framework to make good choices. Suppose you’re getting a new pet. Some basic guidelines your kids can follow are:
- Always be gentle with the pet and don’t yell or throw things at it
- You’re to help with feeding, bathing, grooming, and walking the new pet
- You must play with the pet frequently
- Don’t feed unsafe foods to the new pet (no chocolate for dogs).
Talk about why you created these guidelines. It helps kids understand why they should make certain choices. You can tell them that one reason dogs can’t eat chocolate is that it could cause heart problems for the dog, and the dog may get sick and die.
Discuss the Decisions With Them
Sit with your child and discuss why certain decisions are good or not the best. You can also discuss the pros and cons of certain decisions your child wants to make. Suppose your teenage daughter wants to join her school’s dance team this school year. She always loved to dance and she’s interested in a dance career when she grows up. Ask your daughter if joining the dance team will interfere with her ability to maintain good grades in school. Talk about the hours she will need to practice her routines at home instead of watching social media on her phone. Discuss the fees you’ll have to pay for dance outfits, travel expenses for competitions, and other expenses.
Suppose your child wants his first phone. You’ve already told him that he won’t get his first phone until he’s in high school. Discuss the pros and cons so your child can understand why you have this rule in place. Some of the benefits of phones are the fun games and apps he’ll enjoy, the connections he’ll make with his friends, and he can call you during emergencies. On the other hand, excess screen time interferes with his chores, family time, academics, and sleep. Discuss how he can make wise choices when he receives his first phone.
Teach Critical Thinking Skills
Critical thinking helps your child make good choices because they’re looking at all sides of an issue before they choose. Your son tells you that his teacher said that most advertisers use various tricks to get shoppers to spend more money. So you show him an online video ad from Adidas promoting their new line of sportswear. This ad has a catchy slogan, upbeat music, and a message from a famous athlete throughout the ad. Tell him that Adidas is using this ad to make more money by convincing the audience to buy the sportswear. Tell your son that the sportswear won’t make him cool or a better athlete. Instead, it is his consistent practice and hard work that make him a better athlete.
Have the Sex, Drugs and Money Talk Early
Too many parents wait until their kids are almost grown up to discuss vital subjects such as sex, drugs, and money. As your child becomes an adult, he’ll make crucial decisions in these areas of life. We should equip them with the facts they need to make the best decisions in these areas. If you’re a religious family, show them which Scriptures in the Bible warn people against the wrong uses of sexuality and the right ways to view it. Talk about how to respond if your child is pressured into engaging in premarital sex, and discuss the consequences of premarital sex, such as sexually-transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and regret over the decision.
Discuss money management from a young age. Watch age-appropriate videos with your child on topics such as budgeting, saving money, debt, investing, and taxes. When you go over your monthly budget, have your child sit with you during the process. Tell him that, like him, you like to buy nice things too, but you have to make choices that are financially beneficial for the family. This means that it’s more important to pay bills than eat out at restaurants every week. Visit the library and check out some kids’ books about personal finance, and read them with your child.
Talk about why people use drugs and how you can become addicted to them over time. Some people use drugs because they’ve experienced tough times in their lives, and they feel that drugs help them cope with their struggles. Others use drugs because they want to fit in and be accepted by their friends or popular groups in school or the neighborhood.
You’ll also want to discuss that once a person develops an addiction, their brain relies on the drug’s effects to feel good and comfortable. However, this addiction has negative consequences. It causes the loss of friendships and family relationships, and it may cause problems with your mental health that might lead to violence and harmful thoughts about yourself. It could also cause death. For example, tell your child about how drunk drivers were killed or accidentally killed others while driving.
Teach Street Smarts
You won’t always be there when your child navigates tricky situations and shady people. This is why street smarts help them make safe choices for themselves. Teach them how to spot manipulative people and how to protect themselves against these individuals. Warn them about the dangers of people-pleasing and how to be assertive in certain situations. Discuss consent concerning your child’s body and which parts of his body are off-limits to strangers.
When you raise kids to be mature decision makers, they can live independently and take care of their own families one day. Remember that teaching good choices isn’t about rigid rules, but about giving our kids a compass for life. It’s an ongoing, empathetic conversation, guiding them to truly think about their decisions. Each time we do, we’re building their confidence and helping them become the thoughtful people they’re meant to be.